My Social Anxiety Has Been Affected By the Knowledge That I Possess a Lack of Control Over People’s Perception of Me
Lately, I’ve been contemplating my social anxiety. I figured that if I could get to the root of its cause, then I should be successful at addressing it. It’s true that my social anxiety has many causes. However, I realized that it is in part, a reaction to the subconscious knowledge that I have no control over whether or not someone will like me.
Therefore, this knowledge surfaces in the form of a performance in order to please the person in question. By performance, I mean fulfilling or breaking social norms to the best of my ability in order to be perceived as a likable and interesting person depending on whose company I am in.
However, this attempt is a shot in the dark because as I have just said, I have absolutely no control over whether or not someone will like me. Therefore, the contradiction that takes place in my brain between possessing the knowledge that I can’t control people liking me and attempting to get people to like me results in social anxiety.
This is because I am trying to accomplish something (get someone to like me) that I do not possess the means (the jurisdiction of that person’s feelings) to accomplish (because I am not in control of that person’s feelings). I will therefore react by becoming nervous, sweating, stuttering, or exhibiting any other reactions associated with social anxiety if I feel my attempts at getting them to like me are not successful or if I am unsure about how successful they will be.
Accepting That I Can’t Control Whether People like Me Has Made Me Less Nervous
However once I had the epiphany and became aware of the knowledge that I have no control over whether or not someone likes me, I have become less nervous and my social anxiety has been reduced. I believe this is because I have accepted the knowledge that I have no control, and have relinquished this control (which is associated with the desire to have people like me).
If people are going to dislike me regardless of whether or not I try to get them to like me, then I will not try to sway their opinion. This change in behavior has somehow allowed me to exhibit my true self to others more freely.
I suppose it is true that I could hide my true self and exist with a personality that shifts in presentation based on whose company I am in, but that is not any way to live and certainly wouldn’t lead to happiness. I know that I must be myself in order to exist happily in this world. Therefore, I have chosen to try to present my true self to people and not worry about their reactions. I deserve this and so do others.\
Social Anxiety Has More Than One Cause
After having said all that, I would like to reiterate that realizing I have no control over what others think of me does not mean I no longer have social anxiety, nor is this realization the complete cause of it. There are people whose social anxiety functions completely differently than mine and is much more severe. However, I wanted to share this revelation with you in case it would help you in any way. Good luck.
Understanding Life & People 